Her voice changed the outcome

Teaching kids to speak up: Advocacy begins in elementary school

If you have a child with a learning disability — or any disability that affects their learning or behavior — one of the most powerful gifts you can give them is the ability to advocate for themselves. Many people assume that self-advocacy is a skill students don’t develop until high school or college. But the truth is, advocacy shouldn’t wait. It can — and should — start as early as elementary school.

Understanding and owning their story

Self-advocacy begins with understanding. Once a child knows how they learn, how their disability affects them, and what supports help them succeed, they’re in the best position to communicate those needs. I know this from my own experience. I wasn’t taught to advocate for myself until high school. By then, I had finally learned about my learning disability the year before and had the language to explain it — but I often wonder how much smoother my journey would have been if I’d started sooner.

Because of my own experience, when my daughter was diagnosed with a learning disability in first grade, I knew I needed to do things differently. Talking about her diagnosis wasn’t an unfamiliar or intimidating conversation — partly because I have a learning disability too. She’s grown up seeing me use tools and strategies that help my brain work best. She sees my successes, but she also sees that I learn differently. So when I explained her diagnosis, I framed it through that shared understanding: You learn like me.

From understanding to action

But understanding alone isn’t enough. The next step is teaching kids how to use that understanding to speak up. From the beginning, I told my daughter that the most important thing she could do for herself was to learn how she learns, figure out what works and what doesn’t — and tell her teachers and me when something isn’t working.

We keep the conversation going. I check in with her regularly — asking how school is going, how reading and writing feel, and how her pull-out services are working for her. In third grade, that foundation of open dialogue paid off. She told me she didn’t like being pulled out of science and social studies for her reading intervention. Because of the schedule, she was missing her favorite subjects three to four days a week. She felt left out and worried she’d fall behind on new information.

We spent time brainstorming solutions together. After exploring several ideas, she came up with a creative solution: her school has a rotating “extra special” class — like art, music, or gym — every fifth day. She suggested that instead of missing science or social studies, she could see her reading teacher during that extra special period. It wasn’t a perfect fix, but it was a good compromise — and, importantly, it was her idea.

A voice at the table

I knew her solution had potential, but I also knew it would mean so much more if she presented it. So in April of her third-grade year, she came to her IEP meeting. She sat with her team and told them what was working, what wasn’t, and what she wanted to change. She didn’t just share a problem — she offered a solution.

She only stayed for about ten minutes of the meeting, but her voice changed the outcome in a way mine never could have. One special education teacher initially pushed back: “She can’t miss a special.” But after some reflection and problem-solving, the team agreed they could make it work. Starting in fourth grade, she got to keep one additional science and social studies time while getting her reading support during the extra special period. She was thrilled — and I was so proud.

Keeping advocacy alive

Since then, she hasn’t attended her IEP meetings in person — this has been her choice. She prefers that I

share her thoughts for her. But we still practice advocacy in preparation for every team meeting. Before each meeting, we sit down together and review her accommodations. What’s working? What’s not? What does she want her team to know? I help her put her thoughts into her own words, using her assistive technology when appropriate, so her voice leads — even if I’m the one reading it aloud.

This regular practice is building the skills she’ll need as she heads into middle school. Next year, she’ll have multiple teachers instead of just one or two. She’ll need to explain her learning profile to each teacher and make sure her accommodations are actually used in a way that works for her. To help her prepare, we added an advocacy goal to her IEP this year.

Real-world advocacy in action

Shortly after adding that goal, she ran into another challenge. Her seat was moved to a spot in the classroom where she struggled to focus. She gave it a week, but it didn’t get better. She came to me to complain, and I gently reminded her: This is exactly what your advocacy goal is for.

She gathered her thoughts and respectfully approached her teacher on her own. She explained why the new seat didn’t work for her the way she learned and asked to move back to her old spot. Her teacher’s response was exactly what you’d hope for: “Nice job advocating for yourself. Of course, you can move back.” Because her teacher knew that advocacy was part of her IEP, they were extra receptive to hearing her speak up.

Why it matters

Advocacy is important for every student — but for students with disabilities, it’s essential. When kids learn to speak up for themselves, they build confidence, ownership, and resilience. And it’s far better for them to practice these skills when they’re young, surrounded by supportive parents and teachers, than to wait until high school or college when the stakes — and the systems — are less forgiving.

There’s a well-known saying: “Nothing about us, without us.” The way the disability community has adopted it means decisions about people with disabilities shouldn’t happen without their input. That principle should start in elementary school. Including kids in conversations about their learning shows them that their voice matters. It also shows the adults in the room that this child isn’t passive — they’re engaged, self-aware, and capable of steering their own success.

What parents can do

If you’re a parent of a child with a disability, I strongly encourage you to talk about advocacy early and often. Check in with your child regularly about what’s working and what’s not. Teach them how to respectfully share their thoughts with teachers. And if you have an IEP, consider adding an advocacy goal.

At the end of the day, the greatest support we can give our kids isn’t just extra time on tests or pull-out services — it’s the confidence and tools to use their voice. Because one day, they’ll need to advocate for themselves when we’re not in the room. And when that day comes, they’ll be ready.