“I Could Email Them”: A Middle Schooler’s First Step Toward Self-Advocacy

As parents, we all want our kids to head into middle school feeling ready—especially when they have a disability and are on an IEP or 504 plan. For my daughter, who is about to start sixth grade, the excitement of lockers, new friends, and more freedom is mixed with understandable nerves. She’s going from having two core subject teachers to five, and those teachers are going from teaching 50 students to over 100. That’s a big shift for any kid—but when you learn differently, it’s even more important to have a plan.

Why middle school is a critical time for self-advocacy

Self-advocacy is the lifelong skill of being able to speak up for yourself, express your needs, and make informed choices about your learning and your life. It’s about understanding your strengths and challenges, asking for support when you need it, and taking responsibility for what you can do.

Middle school is the perfect time to build these skills. Kids at this age are discovering who they are, what they’re good at, and where they struggle. They’re old enough to reflect on their learning—and they’re also stepping into a world where teachers don’t always know what each student needs unless the student speaks up. They have to learn to say, “This is what helps me succeed.”

Grounding our summer conversations

All summer, my daughter and I have been talking about how she can start middle school strong. One of her IEP goals this year is an advocacy goal: Given an unfamiliar adult or setting, she will ask for help or advocate for her needs. I keep bringing our conversations back to that benchmark. It’s one thing to have an IEP goal on paper—it’s another to help her feel ready to live it out.

We talked about how different middle school will be. She’ll have five teachers for her core subjects, and those teachers will be managing so many students that they may not remember every detail of her IEP. That’s not because they don’t care—it’s because they’re human. So it’s up to her to help them understand her learning profile.

Sharing my own story

To show her what self-advocacy can look like, I told her what I did in high school: I’d go after school during the first week and introduce myself to each teacher. I’d explain my learning disability, what I needed, and how they could support me.

The second I said that, I saw her shoulders tense up. The idea of talking to five brand-new teachers face-to-face was just too much. So I asked, “What ideas do you have for how you might introduce yourself instead?”

She thought for a moment and then said, “I could email them.”

Perfect. The goal isn’t for her to do it my way. The goal is for her to find a way that works for her.

Turning ideas into action

So now, three weeks before the first day of school, my daughter is working on writing introduction emails to her new teachers. This isn’t easy for her—writing is a challenge—but it’s worth it. Each email will give her teachers a clear sense of who she is, how she learns, and what she needs that may not be obvious just by reading her IEP.

To help her write these emails, we’ve sat down together and looked through her list of 22 accommodations and modifications. For each subject, she’s picking the five to eight that matter most. What she needs in math might be different from what she needs in ELA.

This process is helping her not only understand her IEP better, but also practice more than just self-advocacy—it’s building self-awareness. She’s learning to name what works for her—and why it works.

Keeping it real—And keeping it hers

She’s working on her first email, and I’ve had to remind myself (more than once) that these emails don’t need to be grammatically perfect. They need to be hers. In her words. At her level. In her voice. That’s what will show her teachers what she’s capable of when she uses her assistive technology and tools like Grammarly.

Each email takes time. So far, writing the first one has taken about two hours—but an hour of that has been spent educating her about what’s in her IEP. It’s slow, and sometimes frustrating, but it’s worth every minute. She’s thinking about what she needs, practicing how to organize her ideas, and learning how to communicate clearly—skills that will help her far beyond middle school.

Building confidence and comfort

These emails will also help break the ice. When she walks into class that first week, she won’t feel like a total stranger—and hopefully, her teachers won’t feel like strangers either. They’ll have a clearer picture of her strengths and needs, in her own words.

And when it comes time for her to ask for help—whether that’s raising her hand, stopping by after class, or sending a follow-up email—she’ll have already taken the first step.

Self-advocacy for life

Self-advocacy is more than an IEP goal. It’s a life skill. It’s what will help her navigate high school, college, and eventually her career. Knowing when and how to ask for help, explain her needs, and speak up for herself is powerful.

As parents, we can’t remove every challenge. But we can help our kids learn how to face those challenges head-on—and how to ask for support when they need it.

Final thoughts for parents

If you have a child starting middle school with a learning disability, consider helping them find a way to introduce themselves to their teachers. It might be a face-to-face conversation, a handwritten note, or an email like my daughter’s. Don’t stress about perfect grammar. Focus on it being real.

Help them reflect on what they need, practice what they want to say, and remind them that their voice

matters. Because when they know how to speak up for themselves, they’re not just students with accommodations—they’re confident, capable learners building the independence they’ll carry for life.